Inspiration

I was so excited to begin writing and working on my blog when I first started. Now, I have sort of lost that spark. I no longer know what I’m trying to say. What is the purpose of this blog? I wonder if I am supposed to be sharing my day to day experiences or my opinions about and insight into significant issues. More importantly, I have to question who cares. My blog may never be found; may never really be discovered. I am to remain the undiscovered socialite. If I was discovered, I don’t know what kind of socialite I would be. Society seems to want ones whose lives are full of drama. Well, my life is certainly dramatic, almost certainly enough to star in my own reality show. That is not what I want to be known for, however. I want to be known as someone who cares about people, who thinks intelligently, who presents herself well, and who represents my generation and nation properly. I don’t want to be famous; I want to be well-rounded and respected. I want to be inspired again. I don’t want the drama, and the hardships, and the disappointments to weigh me down. I would like to be happy and heard. Hopefully some day soon both of these will happen.

Women are supposed to enjoy shopping.

Wally World

While some blossom being surrounded by people and love the attention a huge crowd of people can bring, others find it incredibly overwhelming and stressful. I personally don’t mind the limelight and generally want to be the center of attention in large groups, but there are different kinds of crowds that bring different kinds of interactions. One such crowd gathers in the well-known shopping center Walmart. This wonderland of foreign made goods at discount prices attracts all kinds of people at all times of day and large numbers of them at that.

My family and I usually avoid shopping at Walmart unless absolutely necessary. Last week it was absolutely necessary according to my mother. Walmart is the only store in the area that carries Mrs. Meyer’s cleaning supplies, so we decided to do all of our shopping there and get the Meyers. It was already crowded when we arrived and only became more so as the 18^th hour approached.

It became nearly impossible to maneuver through the aisles without bumping into other shoppers or running over children running loose through the store. As we did not know our way around the shopping center we had to go through most of the store to find our few items. When we got to the cleaning supplies aisle, we discovered that the store was out of Mrs. Meyer’s, the entire reason we were there. We had already been there for two hours and only had half of our shopping done. As the crowd grew, so did our frustration. We ultimately decided to just stop where we were, buy what we had, and go to our usual shopping center. The trip through Winco took only 30 minutes buying approximately the same amount of items and there wasn’t near the amount of people.

I admit that I have always been prejudice against Walmart, but that was for reasons completely different from the exasperating shopping environment. I took a social justice class in high school and large part of the class was dedicated solely to Walmart. The human injustices committed by the company are almost hard to believe. The living and working conditions of their workers in China are/were obscene, they hired illegal immigrants here in the U.S. and locked them in the stores overnight, and in some stores colored female employees were prevented from getting promoted specifically because of their race and gender. The company is very anti-workers’ unions as well. The company was also guilty of partaking in practices that harmed the environment. Walmart has recently been working to make changes in these areas, though not every fault has been corrected.

So on top of their piss poor practices, shopping in their stores is incredibly frustrating. Their low prices don’t make up for their low-quality products and aren’t even always lower than their competitors. I am still perturbed about that shopping trip and am finding fewer and fewer reasons to ever shop there again.

Drink a little drink, Smoke a little smoke

 My dog died, my truck broke down, and my wife left me. These are the themes most people correlate with country music. Admittedly I thought the same thing for most of my life. Along with the sad, sappy lyrics I couldn’t stand the twang guitar and vocals. There was nothing about the genre that appealed to me or the lifestyle with which it is usually associated. I was born and raised in a moderately large city with dreams of one day living in New York.

While in college, still with big city aspirations, I met a hick from the North. He worked as a ranch hand during the summers and was as country as they come. I didn’t like the amount of guns and knives he owned or his boots and Carhartts, but for some reason I just couldn’t stay away from him.

After dating for several months I spent the summer with him and his family. They lived outside of a small town in an even smaller town, as did all of their relatives. The area is absolutely beautiful. Their house was tucked away in the mountains on several acres with a view of the lake. One morning there was even a moose at the bottom of the driveway. With all this incredible scenery and lack of a large, bustling city it was the natural habitat of cowboys and hicks and that crowd only listened to two kinds of music: country and western.

At first I thought my ears might bleed from horrible sounds of one country song after another, but because there were no other options I began to listen to the lyrics of the songs. I soon discovered that these modern country songs were nothing like what I had assumed. The artists sung of everyday life, of having fun with friends, spending time with family, getting loud and crazy at parties, loving their country, having faith, and yes sometimes love and heartbreak. So many of the songs were uplifting and just plain funny. Eventually I couldn’t help but sing along and the more songs I heard, the more I appreciated the music and the small town lifestyles about which they sang.

Though he and I are no longer together (thank goodness and good riddance), that one summer literally changed my life. Not only am I now an avid country music listener, but I have also given up those big city dreams and replaced them with ones of having a family, raising kids in a small town and tight knit community, and living away from the suburbs with nothing but open fields surrounding the house. How this lifestyle will fit with desires to work in international politics, I have no idea. It may not, but I have plenty of time to figure things out and get a job before I plan on settling down.

In the meantime I simply plan on continuing my country music listening and going to as many concerts as I can. I have recently attended Eric Church and Zac Brown Band concerts. They were completely different than concerts of different kinds of music. I can honestly say I had more fun at those concerts than any others. I think country singers can relate to their fans more than other genres and this allows them to better connect with their audiences and bring them into the music. They not only sing the songs; they are talented entertainers and give amazing performances.

An Identity in Crisis

I hear many people say that they are waiting to start their lives or are trying to find themselves. I admit that at one point I was one of those people, but then I realized how ludicrous those statements are. Who you are is whoever you have chosen to be, and yes everyone has already chosen. While they may not like that person, it was every single choice that they ever made that led to the creation of them. Life doesn’t begin once your goals are accomplished and you are comfortable with where you are. Life began a long time ago when the concepts of right and wrong were discovered.

I may not be thrilled with where I am right now, but I recognize that it is because of my own faults that I am here. I also recognize that I will not be stuck here forever as long as I take the active steps to move forward. What I don’t know is the “who I am” aspect.

            How does one even answer that question? Is it a matter of beliefs or personality types or talents or interests? I suppose those aren’t bad places to start.

            One of my best friends and I are deeply interested in astrology and I am proud to say that I am a Scorpio and the characteristics of that sign fit me to a tee. I am passionate, perceptive, resourceful, possessive, and determined. I am talented artistically, but by no means the next Michelangelo. I simply enjoy sketching and sculpting. I also enjoy journaling and reading. I am obsessed with one book series in particular: Harry Potter. I can pretty much compare any aspect of my life with something in Harry Potter. I am religious and am actively practicing that religion. I also associate with a political party and try to stay up-to-date on current issues. I take pleasure in learning new things and sharing ideas with others.

            So what do these things say about me? I have no idea. I can’t find a label that really fits me completely, sorority girl, country girl, nerd, attention hog, or philanthropist. Where do I stand? I suppose I might really be in the in between stage of my life right now. I can honestly say I have “found myself”. I know what I believe, where I stand, and what I enjoy. I just don’t know exactly who that makes me.